KUFO - Random Discombobulated Thoughts and Stuff

Random Discombobulated Thoughts and Stuff

Fatboy Roberts Reporting

01/23/08

I got a cellphone today. It's a new me all over the place, isn't it. I lose 80 pounds, I shave my face and head, I endure about 80 pounds worth of "You look just like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia" jokes, and now, I finally have a cellphone. It doesn't seem to be the era-changing event people thought it would be. Although it's weird--when I had a regular phone, I don't remember people just going "HERE, HERE'S MY NUMBER! TAKE IT. TAKE MY NUMBER AND PUT IT IN YOUR PHONE." as if my phone was this sort of digital, 2MP w/flash bluetooth enabled Pac-Man looking to chew up ghosts in the form of phone numbers. "LET ME FEED YOUR CUTE PHONE. NOM NOM NOM NOM." But I got the cellphone now, and apparently everyone wants me to have their number. It's quite the ego boost.

Been listening to a lot of Tom Petty lately. He reminds me of Bob Dylan, except maybe not as deep a songwriter, but way more fun. Plus his brand of nasal twang doesn't make me want to slap someone. I can't listen to Dylan for more than 10 minutes before I start reflexively making fun of the man and his leathery face with his pencil thin Salvador Dali/Creepy Ice-Cream-Van driving pedophile mustache and his inability to make a noise come out of his body that doesn't sound vaguely like catrape. Tom Petty however? Love that guy. "Walls" is playing right now and that song just works on all the levels a great pop/rock song is supposed to work. Yeah, that's right. I said pop. Pop is merely short for "popular" and I don't wanna live in a world where Tom Petty isn't a popular guy. Even if being popular means Hillary Clinton tries to hijack your song "American Girl" for her campaign. I bet Petty's voting Obama anyway. Obama should pick "Running Down a Dream" as his campaign song just to fuck with Hillary like "What now, Cankles. What you gonna do? My shit is way more badass than yours. Na-nana-nana-nana-na-naaaa. I'm runnin, down, a dreeam!"

Okay, the Heath Ledger thing. I said it last night, and I'm holding to it even WITH the 20 dollar bill rolled up in the house somewhere: The tale of his last few minutes sounds like a man trying to RELAX, not die. He calls a masseuse. He's an insomniac. He has pneumonia and doesn't really know it. He's tired and groggy and disoriented. he figures he'll take some Ambien, get a massage, pass out, wake up 15 hours later refreshed and ready to act his ass off. Except he's got PNEUMONIA and Ambien + PNEUMONIA equals bad news. I don't think finding a rolled up 20 in the apartment necessarily disproves that. I've got rolled up dollar bills in my house, too. I don't snort coke. Or meth. or heroin. or even Lik-M-Stik. It's just if I'm bored, and there's something papery nearby, I tend to roll it up. and then I fold it into a paper airplane. Sure, I can see where someone walking into my house might see a rolled up post it note on the kitchen table and think something, but that's a mighty big conclusion to jump to.

I can't think of any places I can buy video games at midnight. My work hours suck for shit like that. I would have bought "No More Heroes" today before I got into work, but we had a work meeting and that sorta hindered my ability to slack off and play video games starring a horny Johnny Knoxville Clone who bought a lightsaber off eBay and is killing people for fame and fortune with it. I guess I'll go hunting for it tomorrow but DAMMIT I wanted to play it tonight. The game sounds so fun, it really does. If you got a Wii, by all means, go out there and grab it.

I guess that's random enough. More episodes of this sort of brain-emptying nonsense to come soon. Thanks for reading.

OH, shit, yeah, the site works completely now. Fully armed and operational, as it were. All the links: Operational. All the pages: Operational. Click around if you don't believe me.

Thanks for readin,
Fats