A lot of people were pretty disappointed a few weeks ago when I announced that Ozzfest, which was making annual trips through the northwest in the summer for the last decade or more, would no long be rolling through the area. I think last year’s attempt at a free-fest took a little of the bite out of the bad news because by all accounts it was only slightly more fun than testicular surgery. Through your cornea. But nonetheless, people were still let down by the fact that they would be denied even the knife-to-balls-via-optic-nerves version of the show. I announced a few weeks ago that Ozzfest was being trimmed down to two stationary shows with Ozzy and Metallica residing at the top of the bill and that one show would be in Dallas and the other would probably be in Chicago. Well, if you had already started pricing tickets to Chicago I have one more piece of bad news for you. Ozzfest is down to one show, the one in Dallas. OK, I guess THAT’S the final piece of bad news because if you really want to see this show you have to go to Dallas. The rest of the line-up is pretty hefty, especially if you’re a fan of KUFO. Ozzy and Metallica will still be the headliners and will be joined by Serj from System, Hellyeah, Jonathan Davis, Shadows Fall, Apocalyptica, Sevendust, The Sword and Drowning Pool. This is all going down at  Pizza Hut Park in Dallas and tickets go on sale Saturday, May 31.

Imagine a Boy Scout Troop stranded in the Florida swamps, no food, no shelter, no transportation. Their supple, sweaty, young flesh blistering in the unrelenting Florida sun. Their merit badges, melting in the heat, leaving bare patches of nubile, teenage skin exposed to anyone driving by. The humidity shrinking their already ass-tight shorts into khaki-colored hot pants. Who do you think will save those poor boys from the side of the road? I’ll tell you who wants to save them. Canadians. There’s probably a mob of little boy-groping Canadians at the border in Blaine, Washington ready to Cannonball Run it all the way to Florida to save those kids from a rape free adolescence. But that’s not who did save them. You know who did? Kid Rock.  

When Kid Rock played in Orlando over the weekend, he read in the local paper about a Florida Boy Scout troop that had been robbed of their trailer and all of their camping equipment.  The theft cost them nearly ten-thousand dollars in property, which took years of fundraising to buy. It looked like this would cost Troop 631 their camping trip to Tennessee but Kid Rock saved the day. He says, “I will cut them a check for the difference and hopefully will allow the boys to make their trip.”