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Locked Out
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Up until tonight, the most Macgyver-y thing I have had to do was cut the screen on a window with my car key in order to pry open said window and hoist myself about 4.5 feet off the ground into the window... and this was at night while it was raining. But the reality of the situation was that I knew I could get in.
Tonight was a different story. I work overnights as most of you know at a place where I am the only person in the building until about 15 minutes before my shift ends. So halfway through the night, I have to use the little girls' room. The studio (as most radio/tv station are) is pretty much riot proof, lock-down prison style. The doors arer 5 inches thick, the windows are bullet proof and a key card is required to get through 90% of the doors inside the building. I can feel my keycard hanging safely from it's laynard around my neck, so I am all good to venture through locked doors and back.
While washing my hands I realize, that the lanyard/keycard combo that is supposed to be around my neck is actually a pretty necklace with a seahorse on it. So I immediately start to panic. I don't have my cell phone and I am in a portion of the station where there are 3 bathrooms and a locked storage closet. And that is all. There is a staircase that leads to the front lobby, but that is under the same sort of lock down. So my options are 1) wait for 3 hours till the next guy comes in and hears me yelling 2) go up the stairs and outside (not much reason to do this one, but it crossed my mind) 3) break through the security door. Now reason one seems like the most obvious choice, because well... I had a dollar bill and a seahorse necklace and some toilet paper and that is about it. Pretty hard to Macgyver anything out of that.
But after 5 minutes, I started to get panicky and freak out that the station may NOT be in automation and perhaps dead air is playing over our frequency. Beyond the window, is a rack of machines with flashing lights... and they are taunting my because I don't know what they hell they mean and each one looks like a flashing light of an off air alarm.
So I choose plan C and decide to break in. My first thought was pretty cleaver, even though it didn't work. I looped my necklace behind the deadbolt with the thought that I could pull it hard enough to open the door. It didn't. Even after 15 tries. Then I started to look around for stuff to help in my endeavor. The was none. Unless you count plastic trash bags, soap and toilet paper. Momentarily, I thought about throwing the soap container hard enough to break the glass... I also thought about trying to break off the handle of the door. I doubt, physically I could have done either and both would have resulted in property damage of the place I am employed by. So, I was staring at the "woman" sign on the bathroom and had the epiphany that perhaps, this flat, hard piece of plastic could push the deadbolt in enough to let me open the door. Alas, it was screwed to the door. BUT WAIT, THE HANDICAPPED SIGN WAS STUCK THERE WITH SOME FOAMY ADHESIVE!!! I could be saved!
Delicately, I removed the wheelchair laden sign and on the first try, opened the door.
I am 'effing awesome!! |
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101.1 KUFO-FM. Rock 101 KUFO. The Rock of Portland. Since launching on January 23, 1990, 101 KUFO is the dominant rock leader in Portland. KUFO has evolved into the place where the world’s greatest rock music meets the world’s greatest on-air personalities. Current premiere rock artists like Foo Fighters, Linkin Park and Tool meet rock legends like Led Zeppelin, Metallica and Ozzy; while weekday mornings get started by Adam Carolla in mornings, followed by middays with Bozyk, the Marconi Show in afternoons and Cort & Fatboy in the evenings, KUFO has relatable and unique hosts. For over a decade, KUFO IS The Rock of Portland.
www.KUFO.com
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