Kids, take it from Uncle Cort, always end your sentences with a cool word or phrase just in case you’re suddenly hit by a milk truck and those words are your last… Corvette. Just keep a list of cool things around and just read them off after completing every sentence… Tomahawk. And then when your friends get together to weep over your loss, when one of them inevitably asks, “What were his last words?” someone else can say, “Nunchukas”… Nunchukas. And that way you can forever be cool when they print your last words on your tombstone… Howitzer. Dimebag Darrell knew that, which is why he doesn’t have something stupid like, “My duodenum is itchy” as his epitaph… Fist. No, apparently Dime’s last word was “Van Halen”… Yeah, I’ll take that.  Van Halen. According to his brother, Vinnie Paul, “Van Halen” was their little code word to each other to have fun… Butt Plug. Vinnie says:

“Our code word to let it all hang out and have a good time was 'Van Halen'. And that's the last two words we ever said to each other. I said, 'Van Halen' and he said, 'Van Halen' and we high-fived each other and went on the deck to do our thing. And a minute and a half later I'll never see him again.”

Areolas.

And it looks like that Led Zeppelin tour may be on after all, or at least in Jimmy Page’s head it is. For him it’s just a matter of waiting around for Robert Plant to quit dicking around with Alison Krauss and their US tour. Page says it will probably be around September when they’re all free, but when they are, it’s on. He says, ''The amount of work we put into O2 was what you would normally put into a world tour anyway.''

Granted, Jimmy has been the overly optimistic one this whole time, or could it be that he’s just the one who has more trouble keeping his mouth shut?

Fans of VH1’s Rock of Love and people who hate their eyes and the parts of their brains that interpret visual stimuli: Good news! A new Bret Michaels sex tape is about to hit the net. But this isn’t just that same old tape of Bret spasming on top Pam Anderson. No, this is him spasming all over the ladies trying to “find love” with the midgety, balding, leathery, crazy-eyed former rockstar.

If your eyes have been acting up lately, getting all fuzzy and unfocused, and you want to give them the visual equivalent to a karate chop to the throat to let them know that this stigmatism will not stand, then keep a lookout for that new Bret Michaels tape.