OK, say you can control the weather. You're Halle Berry in a bad wig with terrible acting, diologue and accent to match. And with your power to harness the winds and embody inter-racial perfection, you look to the sea and notice two 5 hurricanes spinning in opposite directions heading for the shore. You have two options: You can let them run their course and hope that one or both veer off and never make landfall, or you try a little experiment and combine them. Now if you combine them, they could blow each other out or they could create some super storm that destroys all life as we know it. What do you do?

Well, if you're Amy Winehouse's handlers, you say F it and throw Britain’s most notorious narcotic depository in with a man who's nose has seen more of Bolivia than the Google Earth satellite. Yes, Amy Winehouse, the British Britney Spears, is moving in with Ozzy. The thinking is, who knows getting clean better then the Osbournes since they've all tried it at least once.

Kelly Osbourne has prepared the guest cottage for Amy. A friend of the family says, "Kelly is probably the most qualified of her pals to help look after Amy - she's certainly a better influence than Pete Doherty."

Chinese Democracy is done. Ready to go. In the can, as they say in the biz. Yep. Just a matter of time now. Any second. Completamundo. Fin. Put that sucker to bed. So, you know, go ahead and buy it.

No Wait! I mean it IS done, but you can't... you can't buy it just yet because, uhm... Hey why can't they buy it yet this time? Negotiating money? Shouldn't that have been worked out, like fifteen years ago? Okay, okay. I'll tell 'em but I don't think they'll believe me.

You can't buy the record just yet, even though it's totally done and will be released very soon, because Axl is negotiating for more money from the record label before he'll release the masters. But it will come out real soon. And it's totally finished and stuff.

And if you were a famous Las Vegas lounge man, in fact the most famous Las Vegas lounge man, known for a husky baritone, a full head of glistening, tight black curls and, of course, for pelvic thrusting the control top granny panties right off an audience of geriatric women, if you were that man what on your body would you have insured. Out of everything that you use to bilk grama out of a couple of hundred bucks, what would be the thing you'd spend 7 million dollars on insuring? Your voice box? Your mouth? You pelvis? Well, if you're Tom Jones you know that none of those things make him the performer that he is. Only one part is worth a 7 million dollar insurance policy... Chest hair. Yes, Tom Jones has reportedly insured his chest hair for almost $7 million. Even though his management denies it, it has been confirmed the policy was taken out with the world-renowned Lloyd's of London.